House??

no.. not the kind with walls and a roof. Rather Dr. House.

Twas a night shift, early enough in the evening that there was a steady stream of people still coming through the doors. I was the float, meaning no assigned team, just helper of all, runner to codes, transport nurse and break relief. M. had two empty beds which sounds like a good thing but its not really because inevitably you get two patients at once. She did, so I went to check one in for her.   I must admit I took the easy looking one. I figured it would probably be a good thing for only one nurse to start and build a relationship with the teen who ODed on street drugs and deal with his mother (using the term loosely, sometimes families are so sad).  anyway back to my patient, not to sick looking middle/young aged guy.  Triage Label was Palpitations, Vitals Stable.  I walk in just as the tech is finishing up the ECG, She finishes it up and hands it to me and states - Had a run of Monomorphic Quadrigeminy but is now in Normal Sinus with the occasional Premature Ventricular Contraction(PVC). The patient looks at me, eyes wide, most certain he is dying with that multisyllable pronouncement. "Don't worry, your not having a heart attack". I reassure, "nor are you in atrial fibrillation" (the diagnosis the Walkin Clinic Doctor had told him he had without doing ECG and a rate about half that of a new onset afib, whatever). I did my standard cardiac admit- assessing him, asking about current symptoms, when the started ect. Doing all of the above while attaching him to the monitor and starting his IV. During pause in conversation while I was starting his IV, he looked at me and said.
Pt" this isn't exactly what I expected?"
Me: "Oh"  raising an eyebrow ( well both.. I wish I just raise one!!),
Me:"what did you expect" ( half expecting him to say something about how he thought he would wait for hours, and wow there was a lot people doing things all at once ( cardiac admits usually have the lab, ECG and nurse fighting for pt space in the first 5mins)
Pt "Yeah, its not at all like House or ER or any of the other medical shows on TV"
Finishing up on the IV tape job
Me "how so....?"
Pt: "There is no one yelling at each other"
Are you for real!!!
Me: ah.. well we don't actually yell, this isnt exactly TV, oh and there are no nurses on those shows. Pt ignored that..
Pt- I bet you guys just laugh at those shows..
Me- Actually yes.
Continued on with the assessment. Tracked down the start of the PVC's to a half hour after he drank a super caffeinated beverage. I print off a strip off the monitor, show him what the PVC is and do some nice teaching including hand actions to stimulate the normal beating of the heart chambers and what they were doing to cause the funny feeling. I restrained myself from doing this awesome full body interpretation of cardiac rhythms.  But thought I got my point across even tying in some vague diagnosis he said some surgeon had said he had.  But this guy unfortunately was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. As I finish up and am leaving the room he calls me back. 
Pt: I know we talked about this.. but I brought a coke with me, Can I drink it?
Me: Nope, here let me get you some water!!!  Did you not hear a word I said about caffeine!!!

PS.. we did have a little of a House moment a few nights before

Me: can I give the pt in 12 something for their pain
DR: Sure, I just went in to see her, and am ordering some xrays, which side did she fall on again?
Me: She didn't fall.
Dr: Yes she did.
Me; I asked her, she explicitly said she didn't fall
Dr: She lied
Me: Excuse me (raising an eyebrow,.. well two)
Dr. Patients always lie,
Me: Pardon me??
Dr: Well..  thats what House says.
And that launched both Drs into the woes of medical shows and who does really advise those shows!!